Dominatrix Myth Busting

There are quite a lot of misconceptions around what Pro Dommes are like and what must be involved in our sessions. I thought I’d take some time to address a few of the common ones that tend to come up in my work on a fairly regular basis. I’d be interested to hear of any other ones out there which come to mind for those of you who are also Pro Dommes.

That It’s Always About Pain and Domination

I don’t doubt that looking online at our websites and social media can be both daunting and exciting all at once. The world of kink is huge and there are endless possibilities for sessions. Sessions involving sadism and masochism are popular – whether it’s cock and ball torture, nipple torture, corporal punishment or other forms of pain play – this is often what comes to mind when people think about what a Professional Dominatrix does for a living. The “whips and chains” stereotype. To be fair, a lot of us who do this for a living really enjoy these kinds of sessions. Personally, I really enjoy the trust, vulnerability and intimacy involved in administering pain and exploring power exchange.

I often find though, that people who are interested in all the other sensations, textures and feelings involved in BDSM take there time to finally see a Mistress due to their concerns about this. After working up the courage, they are surprised that I am also really creative when it comes to exploring the more erotic, sensation based forms of play. Whether it’s edging, light bondage, sensation play or other activities at the gentler end of the spectrum, this is something that a skilled Professional Dominatrix can also sink her teeth into with glee! I’m a sexual experimenter at heart, so it’s fun to explore all kinds of sensations in the realm of pleasure, pain and all that lies in between.

As much as I love the control of being a Dominatrix, my love of experimentation extends to topping as well. Where it’s less about me being in a superior role, than it is about me being in a role where you explore receiving sensation from me with power not so much of a focus.

If all of this sounds very confusing, you’re not alone! People are often nervous, excited and can have trouble untangling desire when considering meeting a Dominatrix. But part of our role is to ask the right questions and to read our shared chemistry in a session, to help you learn more about what it is that makes you tick.

That We Are Scary MOFOs

There are a lot of men out there who are afraid of me. And rightly so! I’m a skilled Mistress and love being assertive and powerful in both BDSM sessions and in my daily life. Fear is a feeling that is often a big part of exploring BDSM. Fear of surrender, of pain, of trying something new, of submitting to a badass or pf exploring an activity that you have eagerly anticipated for a long time. Fear can be fun for a Mistress to toy with as part of a scene with your consent. And feeling intimidated by us is certainly part of the excitement at times. But what I often hear from people who meet me for sessions, whether they are masochists, bottoms, switches or kinksters, is that they are surprised about how quickly they feel comfortable with me.

As well as being assertive, powerful and at times, playing with fear, I also happen to be down to earth and enjoy communicating in a way that is clear and direct. One of the reasons I became a Mistress is to help people explore identity without judgement, not to abuse power in a non consentual fashion. So while I would hope that nerves are all part of the fun, meeting a Mistress like me may not be as terrifying as you might think.

That said, fear is also an adaptive emotion. There are predators in the BDSM scene. So there is definitely something to be said for listening to your gut instinct and being careful about who you play with. Do your research and stay in tune with your instincts.

That There Is No Risk Involved

BDSM requires skill, care, a mind for safety and for a lot of activities, serious training to ensure that play can be done safely. Many Mistresses like myself have completed strict and demanding apprenticeships as well as pursuing training in private lessons and workshops too. Sometimes this can give people a false perception of BDSM as being something that is inherently safe with the right person dominating you.

Regardless of what kind of sex you are having, whether it is kinky or vanilla, or you’re playing with someone inexperienced or seasoned, there is always a level of risk involved. A good Mistress will be honest with you about the risks you may be taking in a given session, so you can make an informed decision about whether you are comfortable about engaging any particular kind of play.

For example, when people want to explore forced bi with me, I only allow this to happen with condoms used for anal and oral sex. People often ask if the men I bring into these sessions are “disease free”. All I can do is encourage these men to get tested and utilise safer sex practices. Any other risk involved is a decision you need to make as an autonomous adult as to whether it is something you are comfortable with. This decision-making is always ultimately your responsibility.

If you are ever unsure about what risks are involved with the play you are keen on, don’t hesitate to ask your Mistress so you can consider what you are and are not comfortable with. At the end of the day, if you are playing with a Mistress who is well trained and experienced, the small risks involved are often well worth taking for the incredible experiences you have the potential to enjoy.

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